My Why

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When I wake up in the morning my first thought is what do I need to do to get better today? I am currently bulking right now so my first thought is to get some food in me. If I do not have first mod then I will lift before school then get another meal in and get on with my day. I am a very hard worker and I am very motivated but I want to know why I do what I do.  Ever since I picked up a lacrosse stick in 4th grade I fell in love with it as it was an escape to all of my problems.  I've never had high self esteem about myself or a ton of confidence. I always was just passionate about it and I am a very competitive person.  I decided to go in with the sport and get serious with it because it was fun and relaxing and I loved the thought of being great one day like every other kid. Throughout middle school I started club lacrosse, kids were maturing faster than I was so I was never the biggest, fastest, or strongest. I have a really good work ethic and my passion for the game is strong so I've always tried to work on my game like stick skills and watching film to improve my IQ.

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My second year of club I played up on the Zingos A team. I put a lot of time and work into this game and was very emotional about the game because I loved it so much, I would be outside practicing everyday (even still to this day) imagining me in a pro game or college game scoring the game winning goal. I would get creative with it and throwing behind the backs, between the legs, one handers, and anything possible that would get the ball in the net in a unique way.  Back to my Zingos season, I remember I was one of the worst players on the team and I would come home upset all the time, not looking forward to practice, not even putting myself in the game because I had no confidence after getting beat up and people always talking about me  saying "he's no good," doubting me. I eventually stopped practicing that much and I didn't even score one goal that whole year.

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I remember this one summer game I got playing time and had a nice hard dodge down the alley. I had a wide open shot and ended up shooting it right to the goalies stick. I was also aroud 80 pounds at this time so my shot was probably around 40 mph. I walked off the field and got on the sideline and started crying because I had been practicing my whole life and I wasn't seeing any success. I remember telling my parents and coaches I wanted to quit and that I sucked.  They would always reassure me that I was fine and that I'm good but I just lost all confidence and my play was awful.

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Going into freshman year I started to practice everyday. I wanted to change the fact that I wasn't any good. After practices I would go home and get extra reps and was always just trying to do more and more work. I became addicted and wanted it so bad. I had a dream to play division 1 lacrosse. The senior class above me were insane and it was always fun watching them.  They had one senior Kyle Worsley who was absolutely insane and fun to watch. The time had come and they pulled up the freshmen to varsity, I got pulled up and was so happy.  It was the first time I had been rewarded for my hard work. People still doubted me and disliked the fact that I got pulled up. We ended up going to states that year but the one thing I took away that year was that anything was possible if you believe.

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Going back to the past year I learned more about Kyle Worsley and how he had a similar story to me (both scored only 4 goals on JV freshman year but worked hard).  It gave me motivation to see him break the points record and start from nothing but just working hard and not listening to all the doubt. Going into sophomore year, there was one attack spot available. I wanted to win the starting spot so badly so I decided whatever work I was doing wasn't enough and that I needed to continue to work harder and harder. I would wake up at 5:45 playing wall ball, shooting after school, and I even started to lift a little. I ended up winning the starting spot but I still never had the confidence and knew my full capabilities.

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Going into junior year I was more into lifting, getting stronger and putting in work. I was doing a lot and getting a little stronger. I was ready for the season and it came quick. I remember I had a very selfish mindset that year and I was very hard on myself when I messed up because I would practice everyday and expect perfection. Going from 20 points sophomore year, I went to 46 points junior year and doubled it from my hard work. At the end of the year awards came out and I didn't even get honorable mention. I felt so disrepected and was so upset I went home depressed. I have worked so hard for this in silence and I couldn't even get enough recognition to earn an award when I was top 15 scoring in the county with no award.

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Coming into the summer going into my senior year I realized that it was time to flip a switch. I started to play with a chip on my shoulder because I had been doubted my whole life and I looked at my past realizing my potential. I knew that I needed to work on the mental part of the game more. I started to play outstanding and made all star teams at showcases. I was getting results but I always want more and never settle when it comes to success. I knew I had to work harder.

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In the fall I worked harder that I ever could, working out until I puked, working out until I would pass out, and going until my body needed a day of recovery. But always had my stick in my hands everyday. My friends JB and Drew introduced me to PR Strength. Pat Reeves, my strength trainer who is probably one of the best in the world, completely changed my body and working out with him has given me so much more strength but also confidence. I also gained a strong friendship with JB that has grown but we also realized we're on the same grind. JB will be attending a D1 school and I want to transfer to a D1 school. Whether it was doing one more extra sled, waking up at 6 am and getting right out to Western Regional to do speed workouts, ladders, sprints, and for me to get my shooting workouts in we always found ways to push each other.  Even when I have my bad days, my boys Christian and JB are always there to pick me up and always tell me to keep going. I'm glad I have found a group of friends who motivate me and have the same mindset as me which is to always strive to be the best version of yourself.

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My goal for this season is not only to have an outstanding year on the field with individual stats and team wins, but I want to expand my goals this year. I want to work on my self confidence, and learn to look forward and not to the past. I want to finish the year off strong with straight A's even though it's senior year. Most importantly I want to motivate my teammates through my hard work to show them that anything is possible. Everyday at practice I want to just be there to lead as an example just to give it everything you got. I want to bring a positive attitude and always bring people up when they make mistakes because people could be struggling with what I went through from the past.

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My journey with lacrosse has been a wild one but my favorite thing this sport has brought me is my relationship with God. I have always been a Christian my whole life but never was close with God until I hit my rock bottoms with this sport. God has taught me many things and I believe with my faith in Him I can do anything I put my mind to like achieving my dream.

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It took me a long time to figure out my why but when I figured it out it only pushed me harder than ever. I always had a self centered mindset like I wanted to be great but I decided to take a step back and go at it at an angle that I could affect others.  My mom and dad have supported me through my ups and downs and they didn't have the best childhood so it is my goal to not only give back to them but make them proud. There is no way to pay back time so my way of giving back will be to get my scholarship and continue to fight for a starting spot and make a name for myself in college. I have people come up to tell me "Noah you have motivated me to start working because I've seen how you have just gotten better and better and always kept going." I always love to help other people and if I can find a way to show people that anything is possible and be an example to show people to never give up on their dreams I am going to do that. When you find your why it is impossible to be broken because it's bigger than you, and I know everyday that I am going to give it everything I have because of it.

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